By Ed Brodow
Authors H.G. Wells, Jules Verne, Aldous Huxley, and George Orwell composed novels set in the future. Readers were terrified by the dystopian visions of Wells’ The Shape of Things to Come, Huxley’s Brave New World, and Orwell’s 1984. As I watched the news this evening, it occurred to me that the American public of 20 years ago would have been shocked by most of today’s headlines. It is reasonable to assume that we would be blown away by the headlines of 20 years from now. If Orwell and Huxley were alive today, what would they predict for the coming decades? Here is what my crystal ball reveals.
The Headlines for 2039:
- President Ocasio-Cortez announced the results of the Green New Deal: unemployment hit a new high this year of 47 percent; more than half of all American children are living below the poverty level; meat is sold only one day a month; toilet paper rationing is in effect; when airline flights were discontinued back in 2024, the Hawaiian Islands were annexed by China; most cars have been forbidden since 2026—a horse is now valued at $50,000; the only remaining American car company, Tesla Motors, has completed its bankruptcy proceedings; inflation has risen to 32 percent.
- The stars and stripes has officially been replaced by a photo of Barack Obama on a red background.
- 100 million undocumented residents were given the right to vote in 2024. No Republican has won an election since then.
- Donald Trump, Jr., was arrested for shooting an armed intruder during a home invasion. The intruder recovered, sued Trump for damages, and won a verdict of $5 million.
- Mt. Rushmore was dynamited and replaced with likenesses of Bernie Sanders, Nancy Pelosi, and Hillary Clinton, together with intimate body parts of former congressman Anthony Weiner.
- A bill has passed in the House for the Washington Monument to be renamed as the Rev. Al Sharpton Monument.
- Harvard professor Cory Booker has received the Pulitzer Prize for his scholarly work on the life of Spartacus.
- Supreme Court Chief Justice Gavin Newsom wrote two majority opinions: affirming that sex is not determined at birth, and upholding lower court rulings that criminalize hate speech.
- Hillary Clinton celebrated her 91st birthday by announcing her sixth run for president.
- Reparations for people of color and formerly undocumented immigrants who were deported have been increased from $10,000 to $15,000 per year.
- The House passed a new bill that prohibits white people from holding public office and attending four-year colleges.
- Social Security benefits, indexed to life expectancy, will be discontinued for most seniors at the age of 75.
- The results of socialized medicine are in: the average wait for an appointment with a doctor is eight months; mortality from routine surgery has risen by 1,200 percent since 2024; an acute shortage of doctors has resulted from low attendance at medical schools; all medical benefits under the single payer system terminate when a person reaches 75.
- While giving a speech lauding the value of sanctuary cities, Secretary of State Kamala Harris was assassinated by an undocumented immigrant on the steps of San Francisco City Hall. The gunman was captured when he slipped on human feces as he tried to run away.
- Congress voted for a 20 percent wealth tax on all personal assets. The inheritance tax is now 50 percent, including real estate. Home sales are down 5,000 percent from 2024. No one can afford a home.
- The federal maximum income has been raised from $120,000 to $122,500. All income above the maximum is taxed at a rate of 98 percent. This does not apply to members of Congress.
- Islam is now a compulsory subject in all grade schools. Women are forbidden to appear in public without head covering. Unaccompanied women are not permitted to travel. Women no longer have the right to vote. The penalty for consuming alcoholic beverages is five years at hard labor. Members of Congress and federal officials are now sworn in on the Quran.
- The Federal Housing Equalization Board has limited the amount of space allotted for a family of four to 500 square feet. If you reside in a large house, poor families will be assigned to move in with you. An exemption is granted to people of color.
- FBI director Ilhan Omar announced that, effective immediately, conservatives and Jews have the choice of being deported or jailed—the entire state of Louisiana is now a prison farm. An exemption is granted to conservatives who publicly recant and Jews who convert to Islam.
- The federal deficit for 2038 was $500 trillion.
Is that too far-fetched for you? Remember that next time you vote.